Move all beverages away from your screen now.
This is hilarious.
Wrong – they really wanted me to take them to Delilah’s.
I got escorted to a corner seat at the bar…word must have gotten out I was to be protected, and that I was also the cash queen, because every bartender, bar back, and even the manager came by to check on me.
After learning how much I’ve spent on beer, and deciding to mend my wicked ways, I’ve turned to my childhood favorite, Ovaltine. But I think I must have had a bit too much last night after waking in the middle of the night with the idea for an all-girl band.
I had a clear picture in my mind of how they would look, and the songs they would record; I even saw their names through my healthy drink-induced stupor.
From left to right:
Tawnee Rotten– Lead Vocals
Lacey Hole– Synthesizer
Latex Cholera– Drums
Sara Viscous– Bass Guitar
Further, I was convinced they would go platinum with their first album with these titles:
Big Girls Don’t Cry, Bitch
Hanging, Dimpled, Pregnant and Punched
Mamma, Who’s My Daddy?
Got My Panties ‘Round My Ankles, Pain ‘Round My Heart
Swingin’ From The Ceiling Fan
Cop Behind Us, Act Natural
Do Cats Fit In Tupperware?
Do Your Condoms Lose Their Flavor On The Bedpost Overnight?
The Pope Went Down On Me
Cactus In My Underpants
There’s A Reason Why The Ladies Call You Tiny
Damn, That Needle’s Dull
A few days after arriving, we decided to bite the bullet and go to Cupecoy Beach, which was the clothing optional beach on the Dutch side of the island. We agreed in advance we would tell NO ONE back home about this, and also that we would be sans tops only.
To get to the beach, you have to go down a set of stairs carved into the side of the cliff leading down to the water. It’s about 20 or so steps, and then you hit sand. As we go down the steps, we see a large number of people out sunning and swimming…let me interject here that contrary to popular belief/fantasy, nude beaches have people of all ages, shapes, and sizes on them. It’s not all Victoria Secret models. If I say so myself, my friend Sue and I were probably the 2 best-built females there.
By now the beach is in hysterics…
Lessons learned: 1) Read the signs; 2) Next time go to Disney