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Category: It’s All About Choices

Traffic Court

Ah, Traffic Court…where those possessing a lead foot gather to mourn the loss of money and gain points on their license. I was dreading it, but found out it’s nothing like I expected.
Yes, I was speeding – 17 miles over the speed limit; 42 in a 25 mph zone. I had no idea…I had the windows open and was singing loudly as I zipped down a small tertiary road where I lived…then I got waved over. The nice young officer said, “Look, plead Not Guilty, pay the amount on the ticket for a Not Guilty plea. You’ll have to show up at Traffic Court, but chances are you’ll only get 2 points max instead of 5.” Sounded good to me, because I did not want an increase to my auto insurance.
I started getting letters from attorneys…vultures, really, who troll the police reports that are public record. I started to worry a bit…did I really need one? Pfft, I’ll wing it. What could go wrong?

On court day, I scoured my closet, looking for something that said I was serious, mature, contrite…who am I kidding? My wardrobe consists of jeans, yoga pants, and a collection of tee shirts not suitable for court. I mean, wearing a shirt that says “Beautiful Badass” isn’t exactly serious, mature, and definitely not contrite.

I show up for the 2:00 hearing and find approximately 40-50 other people in the room, most who looked like they just came from the gym or gardening. And I was worried about clothes?? They call your name to check you in, and at one point the clerk announces that “we have a married couple here today – the Mulhollands. Everybody give them a round of applause!” So we did, with a few doing the Wave.
It became apparent this was a bit of a joke, because if you paid your $161.50, you could leave…and no points. THIS is what I go worked up about? And it’s not reported to the state. Do the math – 40 people x 161.50 = $6,460. And this was just one group!! The Mafia could learn something from these guys…
Oh, and the judge never showed his face… I wonder if the Honorable John Hunter even exists.

Makeup Addiction

(Author disclaimer: Men can skip this one, unless you have a desire to understand womens’ addiction to makeup. It can be an eye-opening learning experience not for the faint of heart.)

Makeup goes back to the time of the Egyptians, the Romans, the Vikings…and as little girls, we couldn’t wait until we were allowed to wear that first swipe of tinted lip gloss or light application of blush. But there’s a dark side to makeup that no one talks about: makeup addiction.

Every year we find ourselves buying foundation for summer and winter; concealers; lip glosses in shiny and matte; shadow that shimmer; mascaras that thicken, lengthen, separate; brushes for eyebrows, blush, powder, lips….and before we know it, we have literal drawer full of products that we only use a handful of regularly.

Do I have time to do the “triangle of light” or sugar scrub my lips? Do I need to contour, so I have cheekbones? Lip line outside the line or stay natural? Setting spray? Translucent setting powder? Dear Lord, where’s the brush for the finishing powder – I can’t use my blush brush!! And of course this all comes after you’ve cleansed, exfoliated, DermaFlashed, moisturized, and applied serum…does the makeup balm go on before or after the moisturizer? I need a spreadsheet to follow!!

At times we wonder why do we bother…does it really make a difference? Do women feel better wearing makeup or do we do it out of habit, or because it’s expected? I look better with a little makeup, because I can pass for a cadaver in the dead of winter without any. And don’t get me started on the cost of all this…yes, you can buy cosmetics at CVS or Walgreen’s, but then you have women who worship at the altar of Sephora and Ulta, spending hundreds of dollars, because if I use this blush, I’ll look taller!! I’m kidding, of course. Sort of…

So to any of the men brave enough to read this, consider yourselves lucky… I didn’t ask if these false eyelashes make me look fat.