With the holidays right around the corner, I’ve been thinking about Christmas past. Back in the dark ages, when I was a kid, toys were much simpler. Rarely were batteries ever needed, all that was required was an imagination. Tiny Tears, Thumbalina, Eazy-Bake Oven, even that stalwart, Barbie, didn’t require anything extra. Chatty Cathy (I still have mine!) was the most high-tech toy around. One year my father bought my sister and I a tank; unusual gift for girls, plus it required batteries, which were a luxury. We had the best time with that thing! But slowly this changed…one day you’re buying Park Place, a few decades later you’re blowing up a planet on a screen. So what does the future hold for toys? Let’s take a look, shall we?
“Uppity Ursula” – she lives on the UES, wears a fur coat over her tennis togs, and has the prerequisite yappy little dog. Ursula comes with three outfits: a St John suit for daytime, a Badgley Mischka gown for the Met Gala, and your choice of a tennis outfit or a Lulu Lemon yoga outfit. Buying this automatically registers you as a Democrat, regardless of your political leanings.
Operation 2.0 – if you are of a certain age, you remember “Operation” where you had to remove organs without setting off the buzzer. In the updated version, you perform a sex change! Available in two versions – M to F and F to M…what a great way to introduce the kids to the wonderful world of transitioning!
Mr Green Jeans – comes with seeds and instructions on how to grow hydroponic hemp. A great way for kids to learn gardening, as well as harvesting and processing their products.
Barbie’s Funeral – a delightful way to teach your children about death and traditions. Comes in a variety of offerings; a casket, urn, or Viking ship. Black armband and tiny lace veil included; mortician makeup kit sold separately. (oh come on, she’s how old? Late 70s? Early 80s? It’s time.)
Chinese checkers – sorry, no longer available. Sanctions in place.
Venezuelan Supermarket Sweep – fun board game where you roll the dice to see how many minutes you have to hunt down items in an almost empty store!
The DNC Little Women Dolls – AOC, Pressley, Tlaib, and Omar are the new version of the old classic. Learn how to wear a $3,000 designer outfit while preaching socialism, or espouse Islam while cheating on your husband! Great fun for girls of all ages!
Tiny Tots Chemistry Set – comes with beakers, test tubes, and a full range of chemicals and elements; including plutonium and uranium (what little Hillary Clinton didn’t sell) to make whatever the kids decide to “cook” up. Comes with mini-Hazmat suits and a real Geiger counter!
Make the holidays fun and educational at the same time! Happy shopping!
#Barbie #Hemp #Chemistry #Tanks