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Category: Politics

Have You Received Your Invitation?

Every year the Met has its Gala…well, move over, there’s a new party in town! Get your ball gowns and tuxes ready, because the new must-go-to soiree is the…drum roll, please: The Impeachment Gala!

Chaired by Nancy Pelosi and Jerry Nadler, this party will celebrate the upcoming impeachment of one Donald J. Trump, while raising funds for the DNC. It is the hottest ticket in DC, and even the Deep State will be in attendance, recognizable by their Illuminati pins on their lapels.

Since there’s no chance in Hell I will be there (and I’d rather run through a volcano in gasoline soaked clothing before attending), I’m going to let my imagination run wild thinking about what it’ll be like…

Nadler will be outfitted in a silk jacquard bespoke tuxedo from the Humpty Dumpty collection, with a neon blue cummerbund that can also be used as a table runner for Hanukkah dinners.

Nancy Pelosi went deep into her wardrobe to find the vintage Galanos she wore when she met JFK, but to her dismay, it no longer fit. So she went to her back up, a haute couture beaded gown that if you look closely, has tiny “Impeach Now” embroidered between the bugle beads. The gown is said to weigh 45 lbs, sparing us of seeing her move around too much. Her hands, however, will be waving with every word she says, ready to catch her dentures in case they go flying.

AOC will wear a gown made of repurposed materials she personally picked at the local dump, if the local dump is located in Neiman Marcus. Her nod to the Green Deal is wearing shoes made from recycled bicycle tires, custom made by Louboutin.

And let’s not forget Chuck “I’m not a tranny” Schumer’s wife: an off-the-rack, run of the mill evening dress from the Megan Rapinoe collection for women who hate to dress up. I don’t think anything further needs to be said…

Chuck Schumer will be accompanying his wife in his 30-year old tux from the After Six Miami Vice Collection (no joke; there really was one)

In honor of the occasion, Maxine Waters has ordered a new dynel wig from the James Brown Memorial Fake Hair Company. It will feature a French twist, spit curls on the sides, with high waves in the front, where she will embellish it with an “Impeach 45” Diamonique broach. It’s the perfect accessory to her hot pink and fuchsia satin gown, worn with orthopedic stilettos.

Last, but certainly not least, Frederica Wilson, has commissioned Philip Treacy of London to make her a teeny cowboy hat fascinator with embroidered rhinestone horseshoes to match the ones she’ll wear on her feet.

Rosie O’Donnell will act as Mistress of Ceremony, outfitted in a dress inspired by one of Hillary Clinton’s rug patterned coats. It can also be used as a tent for the overflow crowd, in case of inclement weather. The event will be held at the legendary and oh so appropriate Watergate Hotel.

I can’t wait to read about this train wreck on the Society Page of The National Enquirer

#Impeach #Gala #NancyPelosi #JerryNadler #MaxineWaters

Itty Bitty Titty Dried-Up Uterus Committee

The First Ladies of Perpetual Objection learned today the hysterectomies they underwent were actually a ruse to have their uteri shipped off in a box to the troops in Afghanistan. According to unnamed sources, the parcel was received by jubilant soldiers who were eager to unwrap them post haste, and employ them as piñatas for this week’s birthday celebrations.
Note to self:
I have to pull the gizzard out of tonight’s chicken.