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Itty Bitty Titty Dried-Up Uterus Committee

The First Ladies of Perpetual Objection learned today the hysterectomies they underwent were actually a ruse to have their uteri shipped off in a box to the troops in Afghanistan. According to unnamed sources, the parcel was received by jubilant soldiers who were eager to unwrap them post haste, and employ them as piñatas for this week’s birthday celebrations.
Note to self:
I have to pull the gizzard out of tonight’s chicken.

Part Deux..Can You Just STFU?

As promised, Miss Verbal Diarrhea came back for dinner last night; but only because she and the boyfriend showed up with an eight-pound slab of beef filet which neither knows how to prepare. Now, don’t get me wrong, this gal isn’t all bad, but she can yap more than a chihuahua that’s pissed off at the mailman.
Sooooo… Bildo decides he’ll slice this beautiful piece of beefy glory into steaks, wrap ’em in bacon and put ’em on the gas grill. (It’s fuckin’ 35 degrees out there, but anything to get this over with ASAP)
I’m over here cutting tomatoes; preparing a salad; when she chimes in with, “I like my steak with sauce… you know, like dipping sauce? I eat everything with dipping sauce and lots of ketchup. I don’t like seafood because it’s pink. My Nanny always made us eat on the back porch. I might like bear meat… which kind do you like… brown or black? That’s a nice knife; all I have are the ones I took home from Shoney’s…. you know, the ones with squiggly edges? Your cat looks just like mine, except mine won’t shit in his litter box.”

Have you ever face-palmed yourself hard enough to knock yourself out?