However, my life experiences have not led me to a neat, tidy philosophy that is reflected in the most famous of our culture’s proverbs. I have careened through my life like an unattended fire hose and have come up with some proverbs of my own:
1. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
2. Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don’t have film.
3. A day without sunshine is like ….. night.
4. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
5. Change is inevitable except from a vending machine.
6. Those who are lost in thought frequently find themselves in very unfamiliar territory.
7. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
8. Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it.
9. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
10. I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
11. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
12. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
13. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
14. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
15. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
16. It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
17. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.
18. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
19. You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?
20. Life is like being shot out of a cannon and flying over a beautiful garden towards a brick wall. You want to pick as many flowers as you can while you whoosh through the air and avoid accidentally grabbing a fistful of dog poop before you hit the bricks.